frustration.

i have become frustrated with the daily motions of life. but maybe frustration isn't the correct word to describe how i am feeling. but then again at the same time it is? which completely makes no sense. unless you're in my brain.

• frustration with family bullshit. because of parents who don't want you, who pretend to care around others, but whoa buddy are they different behind closed doors; in the "safety" of our own home. i find the statement "saftey in our own home" quite unfitting for the situation at hand because i feel so far from safe when i am home. it's a place where i must hide who i really am and pretend to be their molded daughter. but soo many times have i failed trying to please them with my miserable attempts.

• frustration in my love life. because of a girl who knows exactly how to get in my head & tweak it up. who wants to see how far she can push me before i break and say i've had enough. but she knows i'll always go back to her because i have already before. how do you say know what is going to hurt worse? leaving the person you love or to continue and try to complete the impossible task of pleasing her;;something that can not be done.

• frustration with certain friendships. because a guy gets involved and everything changes. a guy who sure knows how to convince your friend to push away all your friends just so that he doesn't have to seem too controling. frustration because my friend never wears a real smile anymore. and what you now see in her eyes isn't close to what it was. what was in her eyes was hope & affection;; that has been replaced with hatred, emptyness, & sadness.

so maybe the real word i'm looking for is upset?

upset with these situations....