escape

everyone has their own personal way of dealing with our problems. we all look for that escape so that we just feel good, or feel nothing, or feel at all. personally i know my methods of coping aren't very healthy ones, but i'm okay with that. i never realized how bad i have gotten at choosing ways to deal with things until jamie wrote a blog about it. it inspired this one. so i'm going to share a few things on people who i love who are strong, but just like everyone just want to be free.

----|>each person is getting a quote that makes me think of them.<|----

first up, miranda. i love her dearly and i never want to lose her. unfortunatly she is a pothead, but to the extreme. i won't judge because i smoke too. however, she always looking for a way to get high she needs it. i do not because i don't freak if i do not have any. she never used to be this way. i definitely blame myself for that one. i love you flake. you are my bitch.

>quote time;

drugs are crutches for those who can't handle reality.

second, jamie brown. i love her as well. she is such a great person and she cares a lot more than she lets you see. and she let's you see a lot. it is hard to not get close to jamie brown. she is starting to change the ways she deals with things. that makes me glad. she used to do a lot of things to cope. she used to cut, drink, snort pills, her addiction to a certain goverment alien, ect. i hope everything turns around for her. she deserves that. i love you jamie.

>here jamie, have a quote. it reminds me of you;

i am an excitable person. who only understnds life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger than reason. i am so thirsty for the marvelous, anything i cannot transform into something marvelous, i let go. i only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordnary life shackles me, i escape.

third person, saydee. i've known her since sometime in july. i'm super glad i met her and she means a lot to me. she worries me a lot because one of the ways she deals with her problems is blaming herself. she has so many reasons to be confident and love herself she just can't yet. i believe one day she will. it's rare to hear her say bad things about people so if you hear them then you really deserve it. she always puts other people before herself and she'd jump through fire wearing clothes soaked in gasoline to save a friend. i wish she'd start putting herself first sometimes. she also has her more unhealthy ways to deal with things, but i won't say them because they are her business. i love her and i wish her the best in life. which i'll be by her side every step of the way because i'm never walking away. even if she tells me too. i love you saydee.

>your quote;

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

fourth person, baby doll aka ashley. she is my dollface. i love her so much she is such a great person. just like the others she faces many personal battles and she tries many different ways to escape the pain she is feeling. she used to try to erase her pain through more pain. eventually she learned that does not help. i love her greatly and i'm so glad i got to meet her. she means a lot to me. i love you baby doll.

>here ya go baby doll;

pain is temporary. it may last a minute, an hour, a month, or even years. but eventually it will subside and something else takes it's place.

five, bryar. the love of my life. she will always be in my heart. it is hard watching her do some of the things she does to herself. last summer we got into a huge fight and didn't talk for a week. we both ended up hurting ourselfs because we thought taht if we controlled our pain it'd make the rest just fall away. she also drinks to feel better, but i'm trying to get her to slow down. i want her to realize that drinking doesn't fix the problem. but that makes me hypocritical. bryar also thinks that holding everything in is going to help her because she hates to feel vulenrable. i love you babe. i'm always here for you. i never want to lose you. we'll be together until you said the end.<3

>here is a quote for you babe;

you cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

six, jackie. i just met her in january. but we are sooo similar and i am super close to her. although our problems may be different a lot of the time they are both pretty big issues. we both tend to have "boy problems" but currently she is in a good relationship. : ] she deserves it. she has been through a lot in her lifetime. she has UC and struggles a lot with her health because of it. that takes a huge toll on her. she tries to fix her problems by drinking, smoking (green & stoges), ect.. she is a strong person and i know she'll over come all these issues. i love youuu.<3

>your quote;

anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

finally i'll let you in on my methods. i know almost all of them are unhealthy. even ones that are healthy for other people. i do things like cut, burn myself, smoke a lot of green, take pills, drink, go running, not eating, and writing. writing is probably my only "healthy" way to escape. running would be if i didn't have so many health issues. but i do. and i run anyways. it helps. i am sure no one approves of my coping methods, but neither am i. here is my attempt to help you understand; i cut because i feel powerless, when i do i have power of what i'm feeling. kill the pain through more pain. same for burning. running i just lose myself in my music and it's just me. not eating is one thing i can control pills & green give me that numb tinglely feeling i yearn to have all the time.

When ever your heart grows weary, know that there is always a heart grieving much more then yours.